apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
