i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
