just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
