If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
