my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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