All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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