I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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