What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
