FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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