so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
