lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
They have beer where we have blood.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
