My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
