Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize