DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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