My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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