You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My vagina is officially offended.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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