So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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