Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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