good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I still have a little drunk in my system
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
