i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
