I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize