I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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