currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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