you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
