I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
How's work?
Spinning.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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