I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
