I'm going to jail i love you
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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