No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
