but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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