I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
