if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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