I haven't been this sober since birth.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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