remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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