whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
