I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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