at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
