Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
