But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
