Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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