how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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