Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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