She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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