There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
