I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
