I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You were trust falling into bushes
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
