i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
