one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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