Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
