just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
