its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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