Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
