We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
