we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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