We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
