I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Randomize
