From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
They should really pass out barf bags in church
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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