Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
