The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
