my phone needs a breathalizer
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
