i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
