You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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