Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I have demons in me.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
