I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
