he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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