I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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