i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize