you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
