she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize