I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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