I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
false alarm. still invincible.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
