He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize