Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
