No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
