Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
