did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
