The brown eye won't let me do that either.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
