i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
