the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
