you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
