I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
