This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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