Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
