He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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