I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize