Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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