Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
