stop calling my apartment porn island.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize