I want to walk on stilts...naked
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
