this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
