My brain says no but my pants say off.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
