I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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