upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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