My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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