She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My vagina is officially offended.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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