you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He passed out mid-signature
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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