Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
