Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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