it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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