i can't believe i had my finger in that
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
