Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
