remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
