I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
