Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
