im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
