I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
